PARENTING FOR DUMMIES
PARENTING FOR DUMMIES
It has become commonplace among parents to tell others that no instruction manuals for proper child rearing exist. They say that every parent just kind of “wings things” and tries to do the best they can with what they have at the time. Well, that may sound like a kind and socially graceful thing to say, but it also excuses apathy toward humanity’s greatest responsibility. Since I am not a parent myself, I feel no obligation whatsoever to pay homage to this line of shiftless crap. It simply goes without saying that life happens, things change, and challenges arise. But that does not mean that parents should not have a general plan, or philosophy, by which to pave the way for their offspring. Parenting is an art. The parent has the opportunity and the power to nurture his or her flesh and blood into an independent, free-thinking, socially productive, confident, and self-content human being. Surely, the way one goes about doing this will vary in terms of style and technique, and spontaneity and flexibility are without a doubt essential—that is precisely what makes parenting such a high form of artistry. But it is absolutely wrong to believe that general principles do not exist when preparing for a child’s future. It is a matter of balancing strategy and spontaneity…or, more appropriately, allowing for spontaneity within the strategy itself. To this end, I have prepared a sort of cookbook for child rearing. I’ll call it Parenting for Dummies—by Dr. Spike. Kind of catchy, no? Bon-apetit.
The first thing I want to emphasize is that children are much more adept at learning than what many people believe. Indeed, they are essentially blank slates and sponges. Therefore, a parent should take advantage of the child’s flexibility of mind and expose him or her to a stimulating and educational environment immediately. I am not saying to cram everything down a child’s throat and dictate “Learn this, learn that”. I am saying expose the child to a variety of healthy stimuli. Remember, the goal is to prepare the way for a child so that he or she has the greatest probability of becoming well integrated in terms of the body, mind, and spirit. Therefore, things such as physical activity, nutrition, music, reading, writing, mathematics, religion, sciences, philosophy, etc. should all be encouraged—immediately! The parent should encourage and discuss the role of art and creativity throughout life. The parent should respect the child’s intelligence. I repeat—loudly—the child is not a vegetable incapable of comprehending “lofty” subject matter.. All too often I have heard adults say things like “How can anybody expect a (fill in ordinal number) grader to know how to do this or to know the answer to that?”. The thing these adults don’t seem to understand is that children are extremely capable at tasks like learning languages, memorizing facts, etc. Mathematics is nothing more than a language. Science is nothing more than an application of mathematics and methodology. In many places throughout the world, “children” have mastered three or four different languages and can recite hundreds of lines of memorized text at a time. Moreover, young people have made some of our greatest advances in mathematics. And of course, let us not forget all of the young musical, literary, and athletic prodigies who have graced and continue to grace the globe. The point is that a parent should assume that the child has unlimited potential.
Now, as I have stated, it is also essential that the parent not attempt to force everything upon the child and expect the child to express interest in everything. That is simply unrealistic. Any given child will express more interest in certain arenas than in others. Since this is the case, it is important that the parent not only nurture the child in developing in those particular areas of interest, but it is also important to show the child how those particular interests may be related to other disciplines. This is important. When it comes right down to it, all disciplines are related to one another. Philosophy is related to Mathematics is related to Physics is related to Chemistry is related to Biology is related to Psychology….I’ll try not to belabor the point, but when one begins to realize these interrelationships, life itself takes on new color and tone. For example, I have stated above that Mathematics is nothing more than a language. For a child who shows anxiety or fear towards Mathematics, but who has an interest in learning languages, it may be useful for the parent to demonstrate to the child just how it is that Math and language are related. One sees that the parent should be actively involved in the upbringing of a child. A disengaged parent is an ignorant parent is a poor parent. Harsh but true. Sorry if I offend, but I am not running for office. If no child is to be left behind, the parents had better be willing to set an example by teaching the child HOW to learn, and they had better understand that REAL learning requires creative thinking and active participation.
One of the biggest mistakes that parents make, and this relates to what I have said above, is that they fail to recognize the “innate” wisdom of a child; thus, they behave in either an overbearing manner or in a condescending manner—or both. This is not good because it shows a blatant lack of respect for the child’s knowledge and emotional response. Respect is a central concept in a functional and enjoyable parent-child relationship. In order to receive respect, one must give respect. And one thing that all humans share is a basic need for respect. If a parent is determined to learn from. as well as to teach his or her child, the odds are in favor of a mutually beneficial relationship. A parent never, never, never should have the attitude that the child is a “possession”. Likewise, the parent should never, never, never allow the relationship to get to a point where the child dominates a household. In other words, I am not advocating spoiling the child rotten! This requires basic courtesy, diplomacy, and communication—CONSTANT and REGULAR communication. That is essential.
In my zeal to impart infinite wisdom, I have already exceeded the number of words I intended to use on this dense subject matter. Hence, I am going to proceed curtly with some Commandments, which I hope will one day smack of “common sense”-- if it doesn’t already. These Commandments are in no particular order of priority, but I think most will find that if both the parent and the child fully appreciate the import of the first one, the truth and necessity of the others will come into focus. (Well, with the possible exception of the final one….)
1. Thou shalt teach the child that all things in nature—matter, space, time, events, disciplines—are intimately related.
2. Thou shalt respect the child’s ability to learn and to create.
3. Thou shalt cultivate all forms of creativity and expression.
4. Thou shalt define and stress the importance of a healthy body, mind, and spirit.
5. Thou shalt expose the child to a great variety of stimuli and educational disciplines.
6. Thou shalt instill the importance of acquiring information from a rich variety of sources.
7. Thou shalt nurture the child’s innate tendency to wonder and to ask questions.
8. Thou shalt be actively involved in the learning process.
9. Thou shalt ensure that the child is computer literate and that he or she appreciates the ingenuity and power of technology.
10. Thou shalt indoctrinate within the child the principle of impermanence: with the exception of the principle itself, all things continually undergo change.
11. Thou shalt ensure that the child understands that words, thoughts, and actions possess great power.
12. Thou shalt see to it that the child understands that with great power comes great responsibility.
13. Thou shalt openly discuss philosophical issues with the child: free will vs. determinism, nature vs. nurture, chaos vs. cosmos, and identity within a reality of flux.
14. Thou shalt see to it that the child is physically active and exposed to a variety of sports and games.
15. Thou shalt teach the child the importance of nutrition and moderation in food consumption.
16. Thou shalt discuss topics of religion and spirituality openly and frequently with the child.
17. Thou shalt prompt the child to ask the big question: “Who Am I?”
18. Thou shalt teach the child to throw more punches than his opponent! (Wait a minute—does that one belong here, or am I off topic?)
With the exception of the affirmation itself, there are no certainties. But there are probabilities, and the parent who has the courage and who takes the time to exercise the above guidelines is a parent who is consciously stacking the odds in favor of bringing up a productive, content, and well-balanced human being. In closing, I again want to emphasize that a child is capable of learning a lot. A parent should undertake the childrearing craft with the knowledge that the child is a sponge—and in this context, a sponge is a very intelligent organism! The trick for the parent is to indoctrinate their sponges in ways that will seize them just long enough to glimpse the value of the life itself. Parents, you are artists divinely expressing yourselves through the medium of your offspring. You are now contracted to create a citizen of this world, of this universe. Strive for a veritable tour de force, and behold the beauty of your sculpture.
It has become commonplace among parents to tell others that no instruction manuals for proper child rearing exist. They say that every parent just kind of “wings things” and tries to do the best they can with what they have at the time. Well, that may sound like a kind and socially graceful thing to say, but it also excuses apathy toward humanity’s greatest responsibility. Since I am not a parent myself, I feel no obligation whatsoever to pay homage to this line of shiftless crap. It simply goes without saying that life happens, things change, and challenges arise. But that does not mean that parents should not have a general plan, or philosophy, by which to pave the way for their offspring. Parenting is an art. The parent has the opportunity and the power to nurture his or her flesh and blood into an independent, free-thinking, socially productive, confident, and self-content human being. Surely, the way one goes about doing this will vary in terms of style and technique, and spontaneity and flexibility are without a doubt essential—that is precisely what makes parenting such a high form of artistry. But it is absolutely wrong to believe that general principles do not exist when preparing for a child’s future. It is a matter of balancing strategy and spontaneity…or, more appropriately, allowing for spontaneity within the strategy itself. To this end, I have prepared a sort of cookbook for child rearing. I’ll call it Parenting for Dummies—by Dr. Spike. Kind of catchy, no? Bon-apetit.
The first thing I want to emphasize is that children are much more adept at learning than what many people believe. Indeed, they are essentially blank slates and sponges. Therefore, a parent should take advantage of the child’s flexibility of mind and expose him or her to a stimulating and educational environment immediately. I am not saying to cram everything down a child’s throat and dictate “Learn this, learn that”. I am saying expose the child to a variety of healthy stimuli. Remember, the goal is to prepare the way for a child so that he or she has the greatest probability of becoming well integrated in terms of the body, mind, and spirit. Therefore, things such as physical activity, nutrition, music, reading, writing, mathematics, religion, sciences, philosophy, etc. should all be encouraged—immediately! The parent should encourage and discuss the role of art and creativity throughout life. The parent should respect the child’s intelligence. I repeat—loudly—the child is not a vegetable incapable of comprehending “lofty” subject matter.. All too often I have heard adults say things like “How can anybody expect a (fill in ordinal number) grader to know how to do this or to know the answer to that?”. The thing these adults don’t seem to understand is that children are extremely capable at tasks like learning languages, memorizing facts, etc. Mathematics is nothing more than a language. Science is nothing more than an application of mathematics and methodology. In many places throughout the world, “children” have mastered three or four different languages and can recite hundreds of lines of memorized text at a time. Moreover, young people have made some of our greatest advances in mathematics. And of course, let us not forget all of the young musical, literary, and athletic prodigies who have graced and continue to grace the globe. The point is that a parent should assume that the child has unlimited potential.
Now, as I have stated, it is also essential that the parent not attempt to force everything upon the child and expect the child to express interest in everything. That is simply unrealistic. Any given child will express more interest in certain arenas than in others. Since this is the case, it is important that the parent not only nurture the child in developing in those particular areas of interest, but it is also important to show the child how those particular interests may be related to other disciplines. This is important. When it comes right down to it, all disciplines are related to one another. Philosophy is related to Mathematics is related to Physics is related to Chemistry is related to Biology is related to Psychology….I’ll try not to belabor the point, but when one begins to realize these interrelationships, life itself takes on new color and tone. For example, I have stated above that Mathematics is nothing more than a language. For a child who shows anxiety or fear towards Mathematics, but who has an interest in learning languages, it may be useful for the parent to demonstrate to the child just how it is that Math and language are related. One sees that the parent should be actively involved in the upbringing of a child. A disengaged parent is an ignorant parent is a poor parent. Harsh but true. Sorry if I offend, but I am not running for office. If no child is to be left behind, the parents had better be willing to set an example by teaching the child HOW to learn, and they had better understand that REAL learning requires creative thinking and active participation.
One of the biggest mistakes that parents make, and this relates to what I have said above, is that they fail to recognize the “innate” wisdom of a child; thus, they behave in either an overbearing manner or in a condescending manner—or both. This is not good because it shows a blatant lack of respect for the child’s knowledge and emotional response. Respect is a central concept in a functional and enjoyable parent-child relationship. In order to receive respect, one must give respect. And one thing that all humans share is a basic need for respect. If a parent is determined to learn from. as well as to teach his or her child, the odds are in favor of a mutually beneficial relationship. A parent never, never, never should have the attitude that the child is a “possession”. Likewise, the parent should never, never, never allow the relationship to get to a point where the child dominates a household. In other words, I am not advocating spoiling the child rotten! This requires basic courtesy, diplomacy, and communication—CONSTANT and REGULAR communication. That is essential.
In my zeal to impart infinite wisdom, I have already exceeded the number of words I intended to use on this dense subject matter. Hence, I am going to proceed curtly with some Commandments, which I hope will one day smack of “common sense”-- if it doesn’t already. These Commandments are in no particular order of priority, but I think most will find that if both the parent and the child fully appreciate the import of the first one, the truth and necessity of the others will come into focus. (Well, with the possible exception of the final one….)
1. Thou shalt teach the child that all things in nature—matter, space, time, events, disciplines—are intimately related.
2. Thou shalt respect the child’s ability to learn and to create.
3. Thou shalt cultivate all forms of creativity and expression.
4. Thou shalt define and stress the importance of a healthy body, mind, and spirit.
5. Thou shalt expose the child to a great variety of stimuli and educational disciplines.
6. Thou shalt instill the importance of acquiring information from a rich variety of sources.
7. Thou shalt nurture the child’s innate tendency to wonder and to ask questions.
8. Thou shalt be actively involved in the learning process.
9. Thou shalt ensure that the child is computer literate and that he or she appreciates the ingenuity and power of technology.
10. Thou shalt indoctrinate within the child the principle of impermanence: with the exception of the principle itself, all things continually undergo change.
11. Thou shalt ensure that the child understands that words, thoughts, and actions possess great power.
12. Thou shalt see to it that the child understands that with great power comes great responsibility.
13. Thou shalt openly discuss philosophical issues with the child: free will vs. determinism, nature vs. nurture, chaos vs. cosmos, and identity within a reality of flux.
14. Thou shalt see to it that the child is physically active and exposed to a variety of sports and games.
15. Thou shalt teach the child the importance of nutrition and moderation in food consumption.
16. Thou shalt discuss topics of religion and spirituality openly and frequently with the child.
17. Thou shalt prompt the child to ask the big question: “Who Am I?”
18. Thou shalt teach the child to throw more punches than his opponent! (Wait a minute—does that one belong here, or am I off topic?)
With the exception of the affirmation itself, there are no certainties. But there are probabilities, and the parent who has the courage and who takes the time to exercise the above guidelines is a parent who is consciously stacking the odds in favor of bringing up a productive, content, and well-balanced human being. In closing, I again want to emphasize that a child is capable of learning a lot. A parent should undertake the childrearing craft with the knowledge that the child is a sponge—and in this context, a sponge is a very intelligent organism! The trick for the parent is to indoctrinate their sponges in ways that will seize them just long enough to glimpse the value of the life itself. Parents, you are artists divinely expressing yourselves through the medium of your offspring. You are now contracted to create a citizen of this world, of this universe. Strive for a veritable tour de force, and behold the beauty of your sculpture.
posted by Todd Reinhard at 7:34 AM
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